Grief That Leads to Glory

As someone who has walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, as Psalm 23 so eloquently puts it, I have seen the devastation that loss brings—but I’ve also seen the glorious work the Lord has done through loss. 

I’ve lost friends and family to death. In the last five years, I have lost nine people close to me, six of them in the last year-and-a-half alone. 

I’ve lost relationships and friendships due to abuse. 

I’ve lost friendships due to simply growing apart in life or distance.

I’ve lost jobs.

I’ve even lost homes. 

Loss and Grief

I have experienced firsthand that the valley of grief is wide and deep. Grief is the sorrow of loss and the process by which we learn to live with that loss. We all at some point will walk through that Valley, and we may walk it many times. Grief can be expressed in many ways. Sadness, anger, exhaustion, depression, numbness, and anxiety are just a few of the many wide-ranging feelings that grief can produce. 

One story in the Bible that paints a vivid picture of loss and grief is the story of Lazarus in John 11. In this story, Jesus received word that his friend, Lazarus, was sick. Jesus was out of town, but instead of going immediately to Lazarus and healing him, He waited a few days to travel to him. By the time He arrived, Lazarus had already died.

Lazarus’s family was torn apart by grief. Mary, Lazarus’ sister and a close friend of Jesus’s, was so grief-stricken that she wouldn’t even come to see Jesus at first. Mary was understandably both sad and angry. When she finally did come to Jesus, she expressed those feelings with a heart-wrenching accusation: “If you had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died.” 

Seeing her pain, her sister Martha’s pain, and the pain of all his friends, Jesus felt their loss and grieved with them. He wept with his heartbroken friends.

Loss and Glory

We serve a God who knows what loss feels like and a God who never fails to use loss as a catalyst for true glory. Even as Jesus wept with His friends, He grieved knowing that minutes later, He would display His glory to them in a way no one could see coming. When His tears were spent, He immediately went to the tomb and raised Lazarus from the dead in a miraculous, life-changing moment for everyone watching. 

If Jesus had healed Lazarus when He received word of His friend’s illness, He would have received some glory for the miraculous act. By allowing Lazarus to die, His glory was all the greater as He demonstrated that He had power not only over sickness but over death. By allowing His friends to experience the deep grief of Lazarus’ death first, His glory was all the more astounding and joy-bringing. The bad news only made the good news greater. 

Throughout the Bible and in our lives, God consistently and constantly uses grief to bring about His glory. Loss of home or country, loss of relationships, death, loss of job, loss of love, loss of comfort and money. Over and over again, God uses loss to bring victory, to bring His glory about in people’s lives. He doesn’t always reverse our loss, like He did by raising Lazarus from the dead, but He does reveal His glory—if only we have eyes to see it.

Loss and Gain

Loss and gain often go hand in hand: we lose one thing, but we gain another.  Blinded by our grief, we easily forget that just because we have lost something doesn’t mean we didn’t (or won’t) gain some things as well. The gain doesn’t negate the pain of the loss, but it does offer purpose and comfort in the midst of it.

Jesus was accomplishing something in His friends’ hearts as they grieved the loss of Lazarus. He was building their faith and trust in Him. He was showing them His tenderness and comfort. He was testing whether their affection for Him was based on their circumstances or His character. There was gain to be had, but they couldn’t experience it without the loss. The loss gave way to greater gain.

God cares for our pain and sees us in our grief.  He promises to work all things for good for those called according to His purpose as Romans 8:28 says. Over and over, Scripture promises that on the other side of trials and afflictions there is gain awaiting the believer—the gain of greater faith, refined character, and an imperishable inheritance that awaits us in eternity. 

Loss and Growth

I have seen in my life God will always use the losses I experience to bring about growth in my life if I will allow Him to. Here are some things God has taught me as I have grown through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. 

1. Grieve the life you thought you wanted so you can rejoice in the life that God is giving you. God’s calling for us may not look the way we think it will. Our life may not go the direction we thought it would. We may not have what we thought we should have at this point in our lives, and it’s ok to be upset about that. God gave us emotions for a reason. As my lovely therapist, Jules Kilson, has pointed out many times to me, “All feelings are valid but not always useful,” and, “Emotions are just symptoms of what is going on inside us.” To truly heal, we must accept our emotions, deal with them and move forward. 
2. God may not answer your prayers in the way you want or expect Him to. Mary and Martha sent for Jesus to come and heal Lazarus, but He chose not to come at that point. He knew that God had bigger plans than they knew about. They were upset with Him for not coming, but everything changed when Jesus said, “Lazarus, come forth.” Sometimes you might feel betrayed by God because life or situations don’t work out the way you want them to. That’s understandable. Grieve that loss, then seek His face for the way to move forward. He reveals His purposes in His time. When He does, trust that He wanted you to walk through the process of letting go of whatever was lost so that you can grab onto the life He is leading you to.
3. Grief is a beautifully hard process that shapes us. To this day I’m grateful for walking through all the pain I have experienced. God has made me exactly who I am because of it, and I wouldn’t change that.
4. God may take you places you don’t really want to go to. All of us can admit that we would choose to avoid suffering if given the choice. But as believers, the only way to experience the glory of God is to allow Him to walk us through the valley or to sit us at a table of our enemies. God’s plan will likely take us to and through some places we don’t want to go, but need to. 
5. We walk in the light, so we see more than those stumbling in the dark. It’s okay to feel sad or disappointed, angry or frustrated when life throws you curveballs you didn’t expect or want. We can grieve, but we don’t have to give way to despair. Grieve with the hope of knowing that God gives and takes away for a reason. He has new for you that is greater than what any loss can take from you. Grieve with the hope of knowing this won’t last forever. There is something on the other side of this pain.
6. God blesses those who choose to walk through grief because He wants to comfort us. That’s why Jesus says in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” I’ve seen what being stuck in grief can do. I’ve seen what denying your feelings can do to you as well. God wants to comfort you, He wants to grieve with you, and He wants you to know He is with you. Embrace the grief and let Him in. 
7. God can give you so much more than what you lost. Consider Job, who lost everyone and everything. God then blessed him with twice as much, not to replace what he had lost, but to build a new life in a new way. It’s okay to grieve what you have lost and move forward in glory knowing that God has new and more for you than you could even imagine for your life. 

Grief Isn’t the Final Word

If you are walking through the Valley, I want you to hear the words of David in Psalm 23: 1-6,

The Lord is my shepherd; I have what I need. He lets me lay down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters. He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even when I go through the darkest valley (valley of the shadow of death), I fear no danger, your rod and your staff – they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live.”

Remember, in the midst of and on the other side of your loss, there is grief to be felt, but there is also glory, gain, and growth to be found.