In the first article in this two-part series on ministering to trauma survivors, we talked about how trauma affects a person’s beliefs about God. What they have experienced can change their brain’s wiring and make it difficult for them to relate to God as someone safe, good, and loving. The shame that often accompanies trauma can make it profoundly challenging for them to believe that God would love them and want a relationship with them.
What does this mean for how you care for those in your ministry and on your campus who have experienced trauma? There are a few things you should keep in mind so that you can be in the right position and mindset to minister to them.
Become a Safe Place
Remember: Trauma survivors do not naturally and organically experience safety with others and/or God. Safety is something they must cultivate intentionally in their relationships.
Safety is based on perception, not objective reality. We must become experts in learning what the trauma survivors we know perceive as safe, not what we think they should perceive as safe. We must be willing to take the extra step to create spaces and opportunities for them to connect with others in ways that are safe for them. We must be willing to accommodate those needs regardless of whether they make sense to us. Our nervous system is different from the person’s across from us. Therefore, even when it does not make complete sense to us, we can serve and love survivors around us by becoming safe places for them in the ways that they need.
"Even when it does not make complete sense to us, we can serve and love survivors around us by becoming safe places for them in the ways that they need." -Lauren Graham #collegiatedisicplemaker How Trauma Affects Your Ministry to… Click To TweetBe a Patient Confidante
Remember: Connection and relationship with trauma survivors is developed through much time, patience, and consistency.
If we are expecting trauma survivors to trust us with every aspect of their lives or even the smallest aspect of their lives upon first meeting and beginning a relationship, we are deluding ourselves. Trauma recovery is a long-term process. If we intend to befriend a survivor, much less minister to them, we best know what we are agreeing to. Trauma survivors are beautiful, resilient people, but they do not owe us their trust or friendship, especially straight out of the gate. We can serve and love survivors by being patient, trustworthy confidantes who don’t pressure them to open up before they are ready to.
Be a Spiritual Learner
Remember: Trauma survivors’ spiritual practices and relational dynamics with God will look much different as they navigate recovery and healing.
In the several years I have been working with trauma survivors, I have learned a great deal about the nuance of spiritual development and practices. Trauma survivors seem to understand these nuances more than most. We must understand as we minister to them that their spiritual practices may look very different from ours, and what is healthy for them is often unlike others who have not experienced trauma. Let their nuanced approach to their relationship with God teach you and make you a more faithful neighbor, Christian, and minister of the Good News. We can serve and love survivors by being spiritual learners who believe they have something to teach and offer us, too.
Be a True Friend
Remember: Trauma survivors need deep friendship, not just spiritual investment. Healthy spirituality is fostered in healthy communities.
Play, imagination, and friendship are all universal human needs, as are faith, meaning, and purpose. However, because of the copious number of triggers often tied to all things religious, we must understand that a trauma survivor’s bandwidth for spiritual investment might look very different than others we encounter. We must allow survivors to engage spiritually to the degree they are comfortable, understanding that the road of recovery is a long one for trauma survivors. We must practice humility, patience, and trust as we meet with these individuals because to not do so threatens the bedrock of a relationship with them entirely. We can serve and love survivors by being true friends who care about them as people, not as projects.
Be a Gentle Representation
Remember: The scales of ministry to trauma survivors must be tipped towards reassurance, affirmation, and gentleness over challenging, confrontation, and admonition.
This does not mean you should never challenge, confront, nor admonish trauma survivors. What this does mean is that you acknowledge the reality of the person you are relating to. They have a nervous system that is likely hypersensitive to anything it perceives as negative and is numbed to anything it perceives as safe and adaptive. Therefore, we must tip the scales to counteract the lack of regulation and balance in the survival system of the body. Then, when the appropriate time for challenging, confronting, or admonishing comes, they can actually hear it because they have been abundantly reassured and affirmed. We can serve and love survivors by being gentle representations of Jesus, who loved people where they were at and knew how to gently nudge people toward truth.
“We can serve and love survivors by being gentle representations of Jesus, who loved people where they were at and knew how to gently nudge people toward truth.”
Lauren Graham
Far Reaching Trauma; Far Reaching Love
With over 15 million people facing trauma every year, we no longer have the option to not be trauma informed as the Church. With trauma exposure peaking between the ages of 16 and 20 and up to 84% of college students experiencing potentially traumatic events, we can’t ignore it in our ministry to college students and young adults, either.
If we say that we desire to love our neighbors and demonstrate the love of God to them, we must engage the reality of what our neighbors are dealing with on a daily basis. While it is not a requirement to be an expert in trauma, it is not enough to simply pass these individuals off to professionals, either. When we were broken and in need of a friend in Jesus, He came to us in the form of mankind and took on our nature so that He could relate to us in every way and call us His own. Let us then press into the experiences of trauma survivors just as our Father in heaven did for us.
Have more questions? Reach out to a trauma-informed mental health professional in your area or through Psychology Today to learn how to better walk alongside this population.
