Editor’s Note: This post is part of our month-long theme focusing on celebrating and showing the love of God in all our relationships. You can find the rest of these articles here.
I’m going to be honest: if there is one thing I hate the most about the holidays, it is the eternally asked questions by family members and everyone else.
When are you going to find someone?
Are you dating anyone?
Even worse is the always dreaded, I might know someone…statement.
I find nothing more annoying than being reminded constantly that I am not married or even dating someone. Valentine’s Day just rubs it in year after year, am I right?
I’m not going to spend the rest of this article preaching the awesomeness of singleness or the awesomeness of marriage. In my view, both are awesome, equal, and worthy to be respected on their own merit. Rather, I want to speak to the heart of the person who doesn’t feel worthy or valuable because they aren’t married (or in a relationship). I have been single for quite some time. Some days it’s the greatest blessing. Other days it’s the most heartbreaking. So I get it—I’m right there with you. What I’m about to say to you, I’m saying to myself, too.
Jesus Loves Me
I have battled with feeling worthless for most of my life. In all this battling in my heart for all these years, Christ has shown me something precious: I am loved, valuable, and worthy because through Christ I am all those things. I want to see myself as worthy because Christ made me worthy through his sacrifice. And He didn’t save me for marriage; He saved me for love.
He loves me and He wants me, just like He loves you and He wants you. There is so much love that God has for us that isn’t wrapped up in marriage and romantic relationships. I want to bask in that love!
“I want to see myself as worthy because Christ made me worthy through his sacrifice.”
Christina Boatright
Jesus Fills Me
In Christian circles, we often idolize either marriage or singleness. Whichever we find ourselves in, we often make our identity. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want that to be the way I identify myself. Rather, I want Jesus to fill all my empty spots. The spots that are empty because I’m not married, and if someday I get married, the spots that will be empty because I’m no longer single.
Jesus Purposes Me
In Christian circles, we also act like there is either greater purpose in marriage or in singleness. We say, “Look at all you can do because you’re single!” or “Look at the purpose before you in your family!” I don’t want my purpose to depend on my season; I want my purpose to be found in Christ. I want to serve Christ no matter my relationship status because Jesus is my purpose.
"I don't want my purpose to depend on my season; I want my purpose to be found in Christ. I want to serve Christ no matter my relationship status because Jesus is my purpose." -Christina Boatright #collegiatedisciplemaker Valentine’s… Click To TweetJesus Is Enough
I want all my single people to hear this truth: you are enough not because you’re married or single but because Christ loved you enough to give His life for you. You are seen; you are loved, and you belong to Him. It doesn’t always feel like it, but that is enough.
Jesus Is First
All this is easier to write than it is to believe each day. Many days I fail at it. Lies fill my head about myself, and loneliness wants to wreck my heart. These are all things that threaten my communion with God and my ability to love myself and others well.
The truth is that both singleness and marriage are difficult. They can both leave us heartbroken, lonely, and longing for more. This happens when we value relationships with others over relationship with God. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship or wanting to stay single. The problem comes when these pursuits overshadow the glory of God in our lives. His plan is greater than our own; His glory is infinitely better than any relationship on this earth can offer. Putting anything in the place of Christ in our lives will ultimately leave us empty.
Christ is our fulfillment; no one else can be. When we put those expectations on others, we ultimately make them a god that will fail us, leaving us more broken than we ever were before.
Jesus must be first. That’s the only way we can find contentment in all our lives whether we are married, dating, or single, by leaning into Christ. Philippians 4: 11-13 gives us the secret to contentment: that in whatever season we are in, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
The Single Heart
Single friend, I see you. This Valentine’s Day, when you’re tempted to feel unlovable, unworthy, or empty, I want you to remember: Jesus loves you. Jesus fills you. Jesus purposes you. Jesus is enough. And He wants to be first in your heart now and forever.
